Troll 2 is probably the weirdest hour and a half I have ever spent watching a movie. This movie is a cult classic, not because of the horror and suspense it was supposed to portray but from the sheer comedy that it provides its audience in this hysterically bad film. As with a lot of classic bad films, this movie gives us memorable scenes and unforgettable quotes spread out throughout the film. Don’t get me wrong, Troll 2 is really bad but it is also incredibly fun to watch.
You’re probably wondering why I am starting with Troll 2 instead of the first Troll film and the reason for that just adds to the allure of this movie. This movie was supposed to be titled, Goblins. The movie even refers to the creatures terrorizing our protagonists as goblins instead of trolls. The reason they went with Troll 2 is because they did not believe this movie would do well with the Goblins title so they decided to piggyback off the meek success of Troll, even though this movie has nothing to do with the 1986 film.
The movie starts off with our main character, Joshua, listening to a story narrated by the ghost of his deceased grandfather about these dangerous little creatures called Goblins. The story portrays a man running through the woods being chased by the goblins until he trips and knocks himself out. Upon awakening, he sees a beautiful woman with painted on freckles, offering him a green slime pie that he just starts eating without an explanation. Turns out the woman is actually a goblin and the green slime starts turning him into a vegetable leading to his death as the goblins devour him. The film then cuts to Joshua’s mother barging into his room to tell him to go to sleep and forget about his dead grandfather and his tales.
Wanting to experience farm life, Joshua’s father decides to move his family to the rural town of Nilbog for a month. Yes, it is painfully obvious that the name of the town is “goblin” spelled backwards. It foreshadows that they’ll be surrounded by these goofy looking vegetarian creatures. When they arrive at their new home, lunch has already been prepared and is awaiting them. Bad sign #1 is that the food is covered in the same green slime as the one described in the story Joshua’s grandfather telling him at the beginning of the film. No one seems to notice that, though. While the family is getting ready to eat, Joshua’s grandfather appears to him and warns him to not let the family eat the food coinciding with grandpa freezing time somehow. No explanation is ever given for that supernatural power. Of course, the next logical thing for Joshua to do would be to take all the food and throw it out before his family eats it but instead what he decides to do is just stand on his chair and piss all over all the food. This leads to my favorite scene of the movie.
After the pee debacle, Joshua’s father takes him upstairs to his room to give him a stern talking to. He places him on the bed and states, “you can’t piss on hospitality.” He fidgets with his belt, making me think that he was about to urinate all over his son as a weird punishment or give him a good whooping but then he delivers this line, “Now I have to tighten my belt to stop my hunger pains.” I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced hunger pains but I highly doubt that tightening your belt would help relieve that at all. This was just a strange and hilarious scene and probably some of the oddest parenting decisions I’ve ever seen in a film.
Another legendarily and memorable scene in Troll 2 is when one of Joshua’s sister’s boyfriend’s friend named Arnold goes for a walk in Nilbog and sees a girl being chase by Goblins. He attempts to aid her but ends up being stabbed in the chest by a spear and the two run into a church for safety. In the church, they meet Creedence Leonore Gielgud, who is the Druid Queen of the goblins and she kidnaps the girl so the goblins can turn her into a plant and eat her. Here, Arnold states the most ridiculous line of the movie yet with exceptionally horrible delivery. When he realizes the goblins start feasting on the girl, paralyzed by fear, he yells out, “They’re eating her… and then they’re going to eat me…. OH MY GODDD!“
Troll 2 is filled with tons of moments like these. The goblin costumes are so ridiculous looking. The writing will have you confused and laughing in stitches throughout the whole movie. You’ll wonder why do all these characters keep eating the green food without questioning it? Also, why does Joshua’s grandfather have so much power after his death like the ability to freeze time or throw lightning bolts? Once you actually get to the end of
Once you actually get to the end of Troll 2 and see what seemingly defeats the goblins and their queen, you’ll be hysterically surprised. Grab a couple of buddies and throw this classic on your screen. You’ll be pleased at how horribly good Troll 2 is.
