Have you ever wondered what would happen if someone who has no idea how to make a movie decided to make one using a phone camera? Birdemic: Shock and Terror is possibly the closest thing we will get to that scenario. This movie is probably one of the worst things I have ever seen and it is a high contender for one of the worst films I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. With a director who does not know what he is doing, a cast that seems to have never acted a day in their lives and possibly the worst CGI ever used in any movie all blend together to make an unforgettably horrible movie.
Birdemic begins with the main character driving his Mustang around for entirely way too long until he parks in front of a restaurant and goes in for some food. Once he enters the restaurant, the movies take a deep dive south. In the restaurant, we hear our first line of dialogue being delivered by the waitress at the restaurant and once you hear how poorly edited it is you instantly realize you are in for a long ride with this film. The audio in this movie sounds like they used the cheapest mics they could find and the filmmakers had no interest in sound quality. The main character, Rod, sees a beautiful girl in the restaurant and stares at her until she leaves. He proceeds to follow her and makes awkward conversation with her until she gives him her contact information.
After more elongated driving scenes, which include gas pumping and traffic, we get scenes that emphasize just how great things are going for the characters in this film. The company that Rod works for was bought for one billion dollars and shortly after he starts a solar panel company that got funded for ten million dollars. The girl he met at the restaurant even got the title of a head model at Victoria’s Secret, which she just called a “gig” like it was just something to do on a Thursday night. Every seems to be doing good and then I notice we are about 40 minutes into this movie titled Birdemic and I have yet to see one bird and then it happened.
The first time we see the birds attack I was left speechless. First, it just started at random. They literally went from everything is sunshine and rainbows to the next frame being an all out attack without any build up or anticipation. Second, you see the CGI and you immediately realize how little effort went into this movie and it makes you want to give up on it right there. To put the cherry on top of the horrendous CGI the filmmaker has the birds diving and exploding somehow in a weird Kamikaze attack. This actually made me want to go back to the boring and weird love story they were trying to tell before the birds arrived.
The “actor” who plays the main character, Rob, is the most uncomfortable person I have ever witnessed in front of a camera. In every scene, he is in he sounds like he is reading his line off of a piece of paper for the first time. He gives no emotion, no personality and no charisma in his performance therefore you feel no attachment for him and gives you no sense of worry whether he lives or dies throughout the movie. This could be said for every character unfortunately since there seems to not be one good actor in this whole film. They all seem like the director went around his neighborhood and asked people if they would like to be in a film instead of holding auditions to find suitable performers.
One of the scenes that stuck in my mind after watching Birdemic was the wire hanger scene. Here four actors come out of a hotel room when the Birdemic begins, they come rushing out with wire hangers in hand and comedically fight off birds that seem to just be hovering there and not attacking, yet somehow there was blood. Apparently the director wanted to use shower rods in this scene but the hotel they rented out did not have any so they had to go with the next best thing. I still wonder what the actors had to be thinking while filming the scene.
Birdemic took four years to produce, does not seem like it, but it took a whole four years before its release. The film was written, directed and produced by James Nguyen, who has had the majority of his movies given a RiffTrax treatment. He also self-funded this project with a total of ten thousand dollars. This movie is worth watching at least once for the sheer comedy of the acting mixed with the worst CGI ever but any more than one viewing is giving this too much credit. Check out the trailer for Birdemic below and grab a buddy to enjoy this grand disaster.
